I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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