I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
