i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
