Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
