yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
