new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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