Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
