i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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