If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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