Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
