i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
