dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
