He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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