he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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