You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dicks are not precious.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
