I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.