So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.