Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter