i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.