wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?