So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
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He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.