I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel