i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just pee around me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do