you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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