shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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