yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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