Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.