You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.