I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.