she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.