Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?