sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
