I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?