If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
