im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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