dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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