Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
