I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
