wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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