Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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