it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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