I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Come on in and take your pants off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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