I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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