Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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