ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
