I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
