You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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