I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
