i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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