Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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