She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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