youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
