I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
