i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
