sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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