Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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