Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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