Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
