I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
