Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
