When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
