Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
