Kiss
Puke
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
