Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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