dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
