someone get that fucking seahorse.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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