Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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