she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
